The Messianic Hebrew Family and Marriage
A. What is the rank of importance in the Messianic Hebrews culture?
The very bases of the Messianic Hebrews is the Home. The home is in one sense the highest and most importance part of the Messianic Hebrew life. The head of the house can and does take the place of the Rabben and or Priest within the home. The family is therefore the single most importance unit. For if all places of worship were to be destroyed the Messianic Hebrews would continue. Our beliefs and ways would prevail as they have for thousands of years. Now this is not to say we put Yahuah in a less favorable place than the family but to the contrary. The family is the start of worship.
However, first and foremost in the Messianic Hebrew way of living, Yahuah is the most importance. We strive to do His will everyday all day long. In order to do this we have a chain of important in our life style. One may say the smaller the unit the more importance the unit is. One reason for this is because the smaller the unit the more difficult it is for that unit to survive. Therefore the family comes first. A Messianic Hebrew family consist of at least one adult. That one adult provided that person is on their own and providing for themselves they are considered a family, a family of one. This would make no difference if the person is male or female they are considered as a family and have the vote of one family. Next of course is a family of a man and one or more wives with or with out children.
Third is the Community. With out the family there would be no Community or synagogue. The Messianic Hebrew Community is a group of people whose thoughts and ways are much alike. We celebrate the same Holy Days and work days keep with the same laws both Yahuah's and mans. Within the Messianic Hebrew community we have the families which make up a group tribe. In each group tribe is 10 to 20 families. Once a group tribe reaches 21 families, divide into two family groups of 10 & 11 families. Each group tribe has one chief or leader elected by that group. Then we have the unit tribe. In each unit tribe is one chief or leader elected by that unit. A unit tribe can have as few as one group tribe if there is only one unit tribe, and as many as two hundred ninety nine unit tribes. The number of unit tribes is dependent on the number of families. Should a unit Tribe fall to less than one hundred then group tribes the Tribe will join another tribe. They it will merge with another unit tribe if there is more than one unit tribe. Group and Unit Tribes will all be of the same Tribe.
Fourth is the Synagogue. The synagogue is more than just a place of worship it is a place of governing as well. The group and unit leaders meet there as often as they deem necessary to conduct the business that they need to conduct. Anything that they find they can not take care of they take to their counsel and if they find no solution they in turn take it to next in line.
Fifth is the Tribes themselves. The Twelve tribes of which there is actually thirteen. The Tribes have a Tribe Chief that is elected by the members of that tribe, they in turn look out for the well being of the people in their particular tribe as well as the well being of the Messianic Hebrew community as a whole. These Thirteen People are elected by the people in their respective tribes.
The next least importance in the Messianic Hebrew Community is the High Chief Counsel. The High Chief Counsel is the next to the highest ruling order. They look after the well being of the entire Messianic Hebrew Community.
The least importing person in the Messianic Hebrew Community has the most responsible of all. That person is the "High Chief". The High Chief is appointed for life. This person is the only Official that is not elected. The High Chief that is to replace the current High Chief is appointed by the current High Chief. In the event The High Chief fails to appoint a replacement then the replacement will be appointed by the High Chief Counsel. This position is about to be split into two different post. They will be The High Chief and The High Rabben. At which time the High Rabben will be appointed for life by the High Chief and confirmed by the High Chief Counsel.. The High Rabben will be just under the High Chief.
B. Do the Messianic Hebrews practice arranged marriages?
Young people seldom think about marriage with their best interest in mind. They are usually thinking with hormones more than anything. This is not the best way to find a spouse to spend the rest of your life with. The best way for this to take place is to have someone that knows you quite well look for a companion for you. One who best meets you likes, dislikes, and needs. This is not to say that the male or female that is found to be acceptable has to accept each other and get married. Either one of the two may reject the other for any reason. It is preferred that the father of both the bride and groom should agree upon the marriage just prior to the engagement. If the person getting engaged does not have a living father then their mother may perform the function or they may chose a relative or friend. In the event that the person getting engaged has neither a living mother or father or has access to them then, they may have a friend perform the task for them. Now just because it is preferred for a couple to have a match maker of sorts. This does not prevent the couple from finding their own match. It is also preferred that each couple go to counseling during the engagement.
All males are required to marry before they reach thirty three years of age. In the event they fail to do so they are not permitted to have a vote in any matter concerning the Messianic Hebrew Community. When a male reaches the age of thirty and is not engaged then the head Rabben shall start trying to locate a mate for him. In the unlikely event no woman will have this man then the man will be exempted from the law that will not permit him to have a say in the community.
C. What is the reason for the Engagement Ritual?
The main reason for the Engagement Ritual is to give the "to be wed" couple time to get a bit better acquainted with each other. This is not a time when sex is permitted! Although they are almost married they are not yet married. Their is a contract drawn up that can only be broken with an annulment. It is a time when the couple go to counseling, meet their to be new family, and for the groom to prepare a place for them to live. It also gives the bride to be, time to gather together the things she will need, which has not been pledged in the Engagement Contract, in order to keep the house in order. Possibly most importance it gives both the bride and groom time to think about the big step that they are about to commit to. The decision to marry a particular person is a very big step in ones life. It is a decision which should be made with very sober thoughts.
D. What is the reason for the special things used in a Messianic Hebrews wedding?
The only logical thing to do here is to describe a Messianic Hebrew wedding from start to finish and try to explain the various things done and why.
First when the guest have started to arrive and have not yet entered the ceremony area three long soundings from the Shofar is sounded. This is the calling of the guest together to witness and hear a very importance event "Call to assemble". Next from a raised platform (if possible) someone with a loud voice announces as loud as they can "Hear O' Yehisrael, Yahuah is our King, Yahuah is One." After a while the Shofar is sounded again and the caller proclaims "Hear O' Yehisrael, Yahuah is our King, Yahuah is One.", again. Then at the very beginning of the ceremony the Shofar is resounded and the caller shouts again "Hear O' Yehisrael, Yahuah is our King, Yahuah is One." Then the groom is carried into the area in a special chair carried by twelve men, who represents each of the twelve tribes of Yahisrael. He then gets out of the chair and takes his place under the Chuppah and stands in front of the Rabben waiting for the Bride to arrive. "Chuppah or Canopy" is a piece of cloth usually decorated with fringes along each edge and it is secured to the top of four poles which four people then hold in an upright position. The Groom is usually dressed in a plane white loosely fitting pants and shirt. Next the Bride is brought into the area usually carried in a chair by twelve men. Once the bride has been brought within, about thirty or forty feet of the Chuppah the Groom holds up his right hand and commands that they "Stop". They then stop and the Groom walks over to the Bride raises the veil and looks at her. The Groom then Lowers the Veil and walks back to the Chuppah. Then the men pick up the chair with the Bride still in it and carries her the finial few feet. Then setting her down she gets up walks under the Chuppah. Her mother and the Grooms mother walks behind her. They then walk around the Groom at least three times and up to seven.
Ok, time to do some explaining. The Chuppah represents several things. First it is a roof under which the couple share for the first time alone. In the event the Chuppah is large enough for the Rabben to be under it when the ceremony is performed, he to stands out from under it for the few minutes it takes for the mothers to circle the groom and for a couple of minutes for the Bride and Groom to be under it alone. Also the Chuppah represents mount Sinai when the Hebrew were given the Ten Commandments and were joined to Yahuah with the vowels that we were to be a light unto the world for him as He was the "Groom and we the Bride" Now for the Chair in which the Bride and Groom is carried in. The Bride and Groom is considered as Royalty at their Wedding, and Royalty is usually carried so we therefore carry the Bride and Groom. Ok, now why does the Groom shout "Stop"? This is, to some point, meant to be a bit funny and a bit serious. It comes from the time in history when Ya'acov ( Jacob ) worked for seven years for his bride Rachel and after the wedding night he discovered he had been married to Leah. After which he had to work another seven years for Rachel. Now we raise the veil and make sure who we are marring. Finely why do the Bride and her mother and the mother of the Groom walk around the Groom? This, it is said, is to warn of any other female who may want this man. It says stay away he is now taken and if he is to have another wife then it is her that must be dealt with. To continue now.
The Rabben steps closer to the couple and holds up a cup of wine and recites a blessing over the wine. The Rabben hands the cup to the Groom. the Groom then takes a drink of it raises the cup and gives thanks. Then he hands the cup to the Bride and she takes a drink and hands the cup back to the Groom at which time he holds the cup up and recites another blessing. After lowering the cup he hands it back to the Rabben.
Explanation: The Rabben is asking for Yahuah's blessing of this union. The Groom is asking for a good and long marriage with this woman. After the Bride drinks of the cup the Groom then Gives thanks for this Bride.
Now the Rabben will finish ceremony. After the Ceremony the Groom and the Bride sign the marriage contract, it may be pre-signed, and it is given to the mother of the Bride. Then a wine glass is placed on the floor rapped in a white cloth and the Groom puts his foot down( for the last time, a little humor here ) and breaks the glass. Then this broken glass is raped up and given to the bride. This is the Grooms promises that this is the last thing he will break that has to do with this wedding.
At this time the Bride and Groom is escorted to a small room, can be a tent, with the following furniture: a place for the two to sit, a small table with food and drink already on it, and a bed or cot. The couple is permitted to spent a short time together in this room not more than an hour. It is time for them to be along together to eat their first meal together alone and rest a bit. It is not a time to consummate the marriage. Then the Bride and Groom comes out to meet the guest. Then all is seated in a semicircle in front of the Bride and Groom. The Bride sits to the left of the Groom and to her left is her Father and then her Mother. To the right of the Groom sets his Father then his Mother. An announcer will then present the Bride and Groom with the gifts first from His father and Mother then from Her Father and Mother. Once these have been received the announcer then presents the Bride and Groom with the wedding gifts from the others who chose to give gifts [the gifts are not wrapped but may be tied together or placed in a box together if they are from the same person(s)]. After this the wedding party continues with wine and other refreshments, song, and dance. After some time the Groom takes his new Bride and goes home to the house he provides for them. The wedding party may continue on until day break or longer.
E. Do the Messianic Hebrews believe in birth control?
Even though The Messianic Hebrew puts a very high regard on life and the procreation of the family we feel that to bring an unwanted child into the world is one of the worst thing a couple could do. As the child is likely to be resented and not loved. Children deserve as much love as can be bestowed upon them. Therefore "birth control" by pills, diaphragms, and some other means are acceptable.
F. Do the Messianic Hebrews believe in abortions?
As we have stated before Life is most special to us and to take a life even an unborn life is the same a murdering a universe. We strongly discourage abortions and the older the baby the more stronger it is discouraged. If a woman is raped or if the child is the results of incest then the woman is encouraged to have the child and either raise it or allow another couple to do so. Only in the event that the child is sure as possible, to be so malformed as to place an unnecessary burden on the family and society to raise would an abortion even be considered and even then it is recommended that the child be allowed to be born and let Yahuah's will be done. So to sum it up I would have to say we are against abortion.
G. With the Messianic Hebrews who is responsible for naming the baby?
Anyone. Preferably a relative and the closer the better. Usually the child is given his or her name by the father. The father has discussed this name with the other family members but the father has the finial say provided he is there other wise this falls to the fathers father or to the child's mother. A male child is given his name at his Brit (circumcision) which is performed on the eighth day after the child was born. The female child is given her name at the next regular Sabbath services past the third day after her birth.
H. Do the Messianic Hebrews believe in strict prenatal control of their children?
Since the family is the highest unit of order in the Messianic Hebrew community second only to Yahuah, it stands to reason that the family would have the most to say about how a child is raised. The parent has control over their children until the children are old enough to make decisions on their own. They have the right to use what they deem necessary to make the child behave in a proper and acceptable manner. The parent can say who a child may not marry or to what school the child goes to. It is said that a family that argues a lot will not raise good loving children and it takes two parents to raise a child. I have also been told and I believe it to be true we raise the children we deserve. In other words our children are their raising. The parent have the first and foremost rights and responsibilities for their children until that child reaches the point where they show they are responsible for their own actions.
I. Do the Messianic Hebrews practice "giving of a dowry"?
It is not necessary that a young man or woman give a dowry in order to be wed. However, it is the responsibly of the man to provide a house of some kind for them to live in and it's furnishings. It is the responsible of the woman to supply the things to make the house a home such as lining, plates, flat ware, pots, and such things. All of these things are spelt out in the Engagement Contract.
J. Do the Messianic Hebrews place a higher value on a male or female child?
Not in anyway is one sex prized more than another. Life is Life and all is to be loved and cherish. Although a family often hopes for a son to help care for them in their old age. This responsibly is often taken by the daughter and her husband. Her husband knows this when he marries her and therefore accepts this responsibility. A child / person is encouraged to marry within their own tribe. This way everything that she has will stay with in the tribe. This way the Tribe does not lose members, because if she marries a man out side her own tribe her and all of her children shall be of the husbands tribe. She will in essence be cut off from her tribe but, not her family, she will not share in any possessions of the rest of the family such as land or personal belongings of her father or mother upon their death.
K. Do the Messianic Hebrews believe in divorce?
Messianic Hebrew do not accept divorce with out some very serious work at trying to save the marriage. The only out right grounds for divorce is if the man or woman commits adultery. Should a man lay with an unmarried woman and his wife has not approved this then this man has real problems because he now has two wives and the first wife was not forewarned. In this event if the first woman refuses to have the second wife then the man shall be brought up before the Messianic Hebrew Counsel to be judged. Provided a divorce is granted neither the man nor women shall be allowed to remarry as long as they are members of the Messianic Hebrew Congregation. They can however petition the counsel to reunite them all. The Man shall support both families for as long as they or he lives. Only after his death shall the women be permitted to remarry. Should a man and a woman who are both married lay with one another then the man whose wife lays with this other man shall, if agreed upon by all parties, relinquish marital rights and the man who lays with her shall pay to her former husband a price set by the tribal chief (Price of a Bride). Provided the mans first wife agrees to accept the new wife into her household, if not same thing goes as though she had been single. Other provisions or arrangements may be made through the Tribal Court.
L. Do the Messianic Hebrews permit relatives to marry?
Yes and no. This depends on how closely related they are. We do not permit a brother and sister, half brother and sister, step brother and sister, or adopted brother and sister to marry. They are considered to be brother and sister and shall not marry. A son can not marred his step mother nor can a father marry his step daughter. An uncle can not marry his niece nor can an aunt marry her nephew. We discourage marriages between first cousin but they are allowed in some cases. From second cousin on they are permitted to marry with our blessings.
M. Do the Messianic Hebrews require a brother to marry his dead brother's wife?
Yes, with a pervasions. That pervasion is if she and he are willing to get married. We do encourage this especially if there are young children, under age twelve for a girl and thirteen for a boy, as if she remarries then the children will take the new husband's last name.
N. How important is the Messianic Hebrew woman's roll in the family?
The Woman's roll in the Messianic Hebrews Home is second only to Yahuah's roll. It is the woman who keeps the family together. It is the woman who to see that the family is all that it can be. It is the woman who says the first prayer on Sabbath Eve. It is the woman who sets the tone of the family. With a good spirited woman leading the house the family will be peaceful, kind, and well mannered. With a mean spirited woman leading the house the family will be mean spirited and corrupted.
Every Sabbath Eve it is recommended that Proverbs: 31 be read. This way the whole family gets to know and understand just how importance the woman is to the family. The chapter describes the perfect wife and while this is well within her grasp many times she is not allowed to reach such goals because of her husband.
The Messianic Hebrew woman has perhaps the most importance roll in the entire community. She teaches the children right from wrong and the difference between good and evil. The Woman carries with her all that is needed for a good family or bad family.
It has been said that if a good Torah Observant man marries an evil spirited woman. He to will become evil spirited. On the other hand if a Torah Observant woman marries an evil spirited man he will become Torah Observant himself. This isn't far from the truth either.
Here I would like to share with you something that my grand father first told me and which I have seen in print somewhere before. The author of this I do not know but I am very graceful that it has been written. I have a copy of it on my wall so all can read it and I would like to share it with you here:
To A Wife
1.) Be careful when your husband is angry, be neither happy or cross, just
speak softly. You alone can help him now.
2.) Don't keep him waiting for his meals. Hunger is the father of anger and
discontent.
3.) Don't wake him when he is sleeping, unless it is time for him to get
up and go to work or an emergency.
4.) Be careful with the money, don't keep any money matters from him.
5.) Keep his secrets, secret. If he boast or brags keep that secret also.
6.) Don't like his enemies and don't hate his friends.
7.) Don't disagree with him or suggest your advice is better than his. Especially
in public.
8.) Don't expect the impossible of him.
9.) If you respect his request, he will turn out to be your slave.
10.) Don't say anything that will hurt him. If you treat him like a king,
he will treat you like a Queen.
O. What roll does the Messianic Hebrews woman play in the religious affairs?
Well to start with it is hard to separate the family from religious affairs
sense being a Messianic Hebrew is as much a way of life as it is a religion.
The woman's roll in the Synagogue is basely the same as it is in the home.
In the synagogue a woman starts the service on Sabbath Eve by lighting the
candles, same as she does at home. The woman is the one who organize everything
except Sabbath services and that was organized a long time ago, probably
by a woman. Yahuah gave the knowledge of coordination to the woman and man
the ability to provide the things she needs to do her job. Women are allowed
to lead services when there is no man around to do so. The women are allowed
to read from the Torah on Sabbath, and may lead the singing.
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